


you've been grand (but i'm not getting married)

by mitch23k



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, Fix-It, Weddings, anyway @ tom king let selina have female friendships for god's sake, cass and steph are only in it for like two paragraphs but whatever, this is basically a fixit of selina's girls helping her realize batcat shall rise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 15:24:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15173624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitch23k/pseuds/mitch23k
Summary: Fix-It for Batman Rebirth #50. Had Bruce and Selina waited for their official day, and not attempted to elope on a rooftop, if Selina had her bridesmaids with her, would she made the same decision?Yeah, probably not. Not if Holly has anything to do with it.Title from "Not Getting Married Today" from Company, which I've been blasting since I read the wedding issue. Highly recommended.





	you've been grand (but i'm not getting married)

“It’s not supposed to fall like that,” Ivy is saying, tugging Selina’s train out of Holly’s hands and rearranging it. “You know, Cat, I appreciate that this fabric is eco-friendly.”

“No problem,” Selina responded, staring straight ahead at herself in the mirror. She hadn’t known it was eco-friendly, but Ivy could think it was for her all she wanted. Selina had barely even looked at the tag before lifting it from the uppity store it was from. “ _He_ paid for it anyway," she lied, just to see their impressed faces. However, to her suprise, Ivy frowned and went back to messing with the lace. 

 _'So, Selina, what's the patrol system going to be like after this?'_ she suddenly recalled Ivy asking three weeks ago, through a set of iron bars as Selina asked her to be in her wedding party.  _'Is he just going to ignore Pinksey Row and anywhere else you rob regularly?'_

 _'Puh-lease Red, you know he always ignored her "nighttime activities" before,'_ Harley had giggled from three cells away. Absently, Selina had wondered if Arkham realized it was a bad idea to lock them up so close to one another.  _'It'll be just like normal, right, Kitty?'_

And Selina had answered truthfully, because they were going to find out anyway.  _'No, I patrol with him and the kids now. I have been, on and off, even before he asked me, y'know, so this just seemed natural. But I'm still patrolling solo most of the time,'_ she had added after they were both quiet for a few seconds too long.  _'He doesn't tell me what to do. He never has.'_

 _'No, I suppose he still had yet to tame you completely,'_ Ivy mused. Selina didn't like the way she said 'yet.'

 _'Wait a minute, wait one minute!'_ Harley said, trying to stick her head through the bars.  _'You're going on the straight and narrow, Kitty?'_

 _'_ Selina's  _'no'_ and Ivy's  _'yes'_ were both said at the same time. 

 _'So, lemme get this straight,'_ Harley had said, oblivious to the tension.  _'You're not here to break us out?"_

She had broken them out, just yesterday, though Bruce had told her it was fine after she had crooned and mewed about how she was _only_   _borrowing them, really, Hotshot, just for two days?_

 _Screw whatever Ivy thinks,_ she thought maliciously. Selina had him wrapped around her finger, always would. 

“Okay folks, I got the veil all r- oh, Kitty, you look so pretty!” Harley crooned from the doorway. She had dyed the ends of her pigtails black to match her dress, though Ivy had wryly assured Selina it was temporary, and that privately Harley had said that she didn’t like the bridesmaids’ dresses.

Nonetheless, Selina politely responded with a tight-lipped “thank you” and examined herself critically. Her black lace was being prodded and pulled by Holly and Ivy, her nails were sharp, as ever, painted black, and her hair had been done by Stephanie Brown about an hour earlier. She brushed her hand against it lightly. Curled slightly at the ends.

“A little goes a long way,” the blonde had explained, as if her curls weren’t big and lucious. Though they were natural, so, what can you do. Her girlfriend, Cassandra, Bruce’s precious only daughter, had come in with her but was silent. She usually was. Selina had known her for nearly three years now and had exchanged maybe fifty words with her.

“Are you excited?” Stephanie had asked, halfway through the awkward silence.

“Of course.” Automatic. Reflexive. Selina wasn’t sure if she was lying or not. “But I’m sure Harley’s practically jumping up and down right now. She loves weddings.” Deflect, deflect, deflect. The Kyle way. “I don’t know how Bruce is feeling, uh, but yes, I’m very excited.”

She did feel excited when Bruce had first proposed. She had felt excited when she told her friends. She had felt excited when she found the dress, when Bruce introduced her at a gala as his fiancee, when she got congratulation cards from half the Justice League and all of the Rogues (except Joker, jilted as he was). She was excited when Alfred asked her if she wanted peonies or roses in her bouquet, when she told Bruce she wouldn't have anyone walking her down the aisle and he agreed, when Dick told her he always hoped it would end up like this, when Nygma offered to plan the seating chart for her (which was politely refused by Bruce...however, Selina got a few tips from him, unbeknownst to her hubby). 

The excitement had been steadily draining for about two weeks, ever since she had battled the Joker. His words still rang through her head - the idea that Batman was to always be a tragic figure, or else Gotham would fall, had often been repeated to her. She had always disagreed. Batman was Batman, he always would be. Bruce Wayne was a sad child who deserved happiness. He was a sad child who had been happy since he warded Dick Grayson, since he had adopted Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Cassandra Cain, Duke Thomas, since he'd found out he had a biological son. His family had always made him happy. He'd been happy before. Gotham rolled on. He could be happy about one more thing. Selina was sure Gotham would survive a marriage if it could survive being No Man's Land. 

But...hearing it from the Joker, after all the reminders she'd been facing about how different she and Bruce were...well, she wasn't worried Gotham would fall because Bruce was happy. 

She was a little concerned it might fall if he was broken with sadness, however.

If Catwoman betrayed him, if she ran like she always did, if she ruined him just like she ruined everything else her claws touched. Well. Bruce was so pleased with the engagement. She could ruin him with one robbery. One act of brutality. One drop of aid to a friendly rogue. He would be devastated. She had promised she was on his side so many times. 

 Sadness would fell the Bat, not happiness. She thought Joker had understood that after Ethiopia. But no. Selina wished she didn't understand Bruce as well as she did, sometimes. 

"So excited," she repeated to Stephanie, smiling brightly.

Cassandra Cain-Wayne squinted, then straightened.

Fuck. Selina was so fucking nervous she had neglected to recall that Black Bat was a human polygraph test. Fuck.

But the girl stayed silent (thank god) and not long after, Stephanie finished and excused them to go get ready themselves.

Selina had thanked Stephanie and complimented Cassandra’s necklace for good measure. She had been trying to nice to the kids. It wasn’t very difficult, she had known all of them but Duke for years, but she was worried that they could all tell that she was trying too hard.

Or maybe she’s just reading into it too much. But she’s sure that Damian thinks so.

Fuck. She’s getting married. To Bruce Wayne. To _Batman_.

She wonders what her mother would say.

Probably something suitably catty.

God. Fuck. Batman. Catwoman is marrying Batman. Someone who makes their living from theft is getting married to one of the world’s premier superheroes. Someone whose bridesmaids were ⅔ supervillains, 1/3 regulars at Blackgate, and 3/3 a cowardly and superstitious lot, was getting married to someone whose best man was _Superman._

Selina liked to say she didn’t really have any qualms about her morals, but jeez, was she really good enough for Bruce? She’d put money on a hard “no.”

“-lina? Selina, hey, are you listening?”

  
Selina blinked several times and turned to see her bridesmaids looking at her curiously.

“Oh. Yes?”

Holly looked skeptical but continued with whatever she had been talking about - apparently, some critique on the ride she had gotten here. Harley was nodding along, seemingly also frustrated with Uber, but Ivy was studying Selina out of the corner of her eye.

“Hey, Pam, can you help me with my veil?” Selina said suddenly, making eye contact with the supervillianness in question. Ivy pursed her lips but nodded and got up, passing Harley with a pat on the head. The other two hadn’t even noticed Selina’s request.

Ivy started pinning the veil on, only about an inch from her face, looking focused. After a while, she finished and put her hands down, but stayed just as close.  Selina gave her a look of confusion.

“Are you alright?” Ivy asked, pretending to be involved in fiddling with the lace on the waist of the dress. “You seem out of it. Not that I care too much, but I can do without you becoming a runaway bride the second we leave the room.”

Selina snorted. “I’m not running off.”

“Maybe not, but something’s wrong,” Ivy replied sharply, “and maybe we’re not as close as we used to be, so I can’t get it out of you, but someone can.”

Before Selina could ask what _that_ meant, Ivy was saying “Sweetie, let’s go make sure the limo’s prepped for us,” and sweeping at of the room with Harley, leaving Holly and Selina all along as the door shut.

“Well,” Holly said, breaking the silence, “I just realized I haven’t told you that you look good yet.”

Selina broke into an easy grin. “Go ahead,” she said teasingly.

Holly rolled her eyes. “Oh, you look so beautiful, who are you wearing? Ms. Kyle, can I get a quote? How does it feel to be married to someone who knows Batman personally? Oh,  Ms. Kyle- or should I say _Mrs. Wayne?”_ she corrected seriously.

Holly’s tone was light, but Selina could feel her face fall. She stepped away from the mirror and over to the coffee table where Harley had sat the drinks. She needed one. Badly.

“Uh, did I say something?” Holly said, tentative. _That_ made Selina feel guilty. She and Holly hadn’t been in touch for some time, had had a couple bad fights the last couple years. No wonder Holly was a little on edge about how close they were.

“No, no, you’re fine, Holly,” Selina sighed, pouring herself a glass. “I’m just getting jitters, I guess.”

“‘Jitters?” Holly repeated. “Are you sure you don’t mean cold feet? I’m not going to have to tell all those nice kids you made me met that their dad has to be forever alone because you became a runaway bride, am I? Because that Jason guy seemed pretty cool.  A couple of my girlfriends on sixth street have seen him without the mask, and they say he's pretty good looking.”

“Tell them to forget about it, he’s gay,” Selina snapped. “And the next person who calls me a runaway bride is going to regret it.”

Holly held up her hands in surrender. “Jeez, sorry. I'll alert all my guy friends. And, in advance, don’t worry, _I’m_ not interested in getting to know any of the Bats carnally, except maybe Batwoman. We’re not all furries, you know, Selina. Your experiences are not universal.”

Despite herself, Selina cracked a grin and breathed out a chuckle. She felt tired all of a sudden, and lowered herself onto the futon.  “No, I guess they’re not. Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap, but…”

Holly sat down on next to her. “You know, if you really do wanna ditch, I’m sure I could hotwire one of these rich assholes’ cars.”

“Thanks, but I’m good.”

“Anything for a friend.”

A friend. And friend she was. Maybe even surrogate daughter. And yet, she recalled Bruce's face when she recounted her bridesmaids for him.  

_'Holly Robinson?'_

_'Well, Bat, I've known her forever.'_

_'I know. She stabbed me once.'_

_'Yes, she did. Four years ago. You scared her.'_

_'She's been in and out of Blackgate for years.'_

_'So has your bride-to-be. She was my sidekick once, Bruce, I have to have her with me.'_

_'Okay. Fine. Who else?'_

_'...Pam.'_

_'Pamela_ Isley _?'_

_'And Harleen.'_

_'Really?'_

_'You said I could have anyone I wanted. You said anyone except Eiko, and that's only because you're jealous.'_

_'I'm not jealous. What if I had invited Talia?'_

_'Touche. But I've known Ivy and Harley forever, Bruce, and you know they're not near as bad when she hasn't seen Joker in a while, which she_ hasn't _-'_

_'I understand. It's fine. I'm sorry for saying anything. Dr. Quinzel has been on a good streak since she and Dr. Isley got together. You're right.'_

_'Oh. Thank you. So, what about you, big guy?'_

_'Clark is my best man. Dick and Lucius are in my party as well.'_

Superman, Nightwing, and a lifelong supporter of Batman. Vs Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn, and the former dark Catwoman.

Bruce had apologized, yes, and she loved him for it, but his face when she named Ivy and Harley could not be forgotten. He wasn't really surprised, more like...disappointed. Which was worse, really. He'd probably expected her to say Wonder Woman or Barbara or maybe even one of her friends from the street. Instead, three supervillains. 

She remembered her first ever trip to the JL Watchtower, only about three years earlier. They had never needed her help before. She'd met Clark, Diana, Dinah, and Hal multiple times before, in civvies, but this had been different. Bruce had brought her just for her eyewitness report of seeing Lex Luthor break several prisoners out of Blackgate. When they stepped inside, he asked her what she thought of it. 

 _'I don't know why I thought a man who carved bat symbols into his hubcaps would be any more subtle about slapping the letters JL onto every wall in this place, but I did,'_ she'd replied smartly, but she was pretty sure her expression of wonderment betrayed her, if Bruce's smug smirk was anything to go by. 

She could feel their eyes on her while she spoke during the meeting. She knew, for all her cynicism about capes, that most of them were kind, cared about Bruce very much, and as such respected her. And she knew that Vixen hadn't met anything by it when she asked  _'And during the breakout, where were you in reference to Luthor?"_

 _'Roughly fifteen feet away,"_ Bruce had answered for her. 

Vixen had blinked.  _'But that would mean you were in one of the cells.'_

Twenty six eyes drilled into her skull. Oliver Queen smirked, Diana grimaced, and Selina said,  _'Yes,'_ in the quietest voice she'd spoken in since her father died. 

Bruce declared the meeting over and they left rather quickly after that, but first, Vixen had run up, apologizing wildly for her question, Dinah right behind her, assuring her that her testimony was incredibly important to finding Luthor and thanking her. 

She hadn't felt shame like that since she worked on sixth street. 

Present day, Selina took a sip of her drink and gave her friend a glance. “Holly, do you think I’m a hero?”

“Where is this coming from?” Holly said slowly. “Which superjerk said you weren’t compatible? Do they need a super-punch-in-the-dick?”

“No.”

“Oh. A super-punch-in-the-snatch?”

Selina threw a decorative, expenseive-looking pillow at her face. “Holly, I’m the superjerk.”

“You want me to punch you in the-”

“Stop,” Selina said, nearly choking on her laugh. It felt good to joke around with Holly again. Selina had only been out of touch with her for about a year and half, but it felt like she’d been gone for a decade. In terms of instant relief, talking to Holly was heroin.

“No, but really,” Selina continued once she collected herself. “I mean, when we first met, I was robbing a jewel store.”

“As I recall a little pussycat telling me,” Holly said, picking at the upholstery, “you were robbing that museum to return artifacts from the Egyptian History section to their rightful owners. Sounds pretty heroic to me. Direct action.”

Selina studied the diamond on her finger guiltily. “Well, and I took a little for myself.”

“Even Robin Hood has to eat.”

Selina sighed. “I guess.”

“So what’s the problem?” Holly asked. “Batman knows what he’s getting into. He proposed to you, not the other way around.”

“It’s just…” Selina trailed off. “Forget about it. Look, I have to finish writing my vows, and we need to go. It’s almost time.”

Holly’s eyes widened. “You haven’t finished your vows,” she murmured, horrified. “Forget what I said earlier. That’s evil. You’re evil.”

“He told me yesterday that he hasn’t finished his either, if it helps.”

“It absolutely does not.”

Selina stood, brushing off her gown. “I’m going to touch up my makeup.”

“Let me help,” Holly said, and they both walked into the bathroom together. Holly shut the door and pulled a makeup kit out of nowhere.

As she reapplied the eyeliner, did over the lipstick completely, added a little more blush, Holly chatted her up, retelling the earlier story about her Uber ride, complaining about the skeevy frat boys at her college, arguing (to no avail) that Selina should agree that Star Trek was better than Star Wars. Selina was hungry for the distraction and ate it up, answering any question or nodding at anything her friend said.

Eventually though, Holly seemed to get a impatient and sat down after redoing her mascara for the third time.

“Selina,” she said. “Earlier, what were you going to say when I asked you what the problem was, what were you going to say?”

“Please, Holly,” Selina begged. “I’m getting married today. I don’t want to talk about the Jok-”

Holly held up a finger. “Mm. Mm. Tell me you weren’t about to say ‘The Joker.’ Tell me, Selina Maria Kyle, tell me you weren’t about to say that the Joker told you that this wasn’t going to work out and you believed him. Because if you do, I’m telling Pamela and Harley, and we’re going to collectively kick the shit out of you. With your own heels.”

Selina managed a smile. “They say he knows Batman better than himself.”

“You, Alfred Pennyworth, Dick Grayson, and what’s-her-name, Cassie, you guys know Batman better than anyone else in the world. The other batkids are close seconds. So is Superman. Then Leslie Thompkins. Then the rest of the Justice League. Then Lucius Fox. Then Harvey Dent. Then the entire population of Gotham. Then everyone in Metropolis. Then me. Then everyone else in the world. And then, right after Buzz Aldrin’s ghost, there’s the Joker. I don’t know much, but I know that the Joker is nothing more than an annoying blackhead on the pimpled face of Gotham. If you listened to him, that be so ridiculously out of character that I’d probably call 911,” Holly said, deadly serious, looking directly, uncomfortably into Selina’s eyes.

Selina blinked. “Huh. You oughta give speeches, or something.”

They both stared in silence for a moment before throwing their arms around each other, laughing. Well, Selina thought to herself, Holly was laughing pretty hard. Selina was giggling and simultaneously crying. She used to think only Harley did that.

“Goddamnit,” Holly said after a minute. Selina looked at her, wiping at her face. “Now I have to do your makeup again.”

Their laughter was cut off this time by Harley banging on the door. “Hey, uh, guys! Are you guys using this thing? Because I have to go really bad.”

“Go in a cup,” Selina said, rolling her eyes with a smile as she gathered her things. They could do the makeup in the car, and if they messed it up, The Daily Planet Celebrity News page would have to deal.

“But Kitty, I get stage fright,” Harley whined. Selina opened the door and Harley sprinted in, nearly knocking her over. The door shut loudly.

“Stage fright, in front of you? Haven’t you seen it all yet?” Holly said to Ivy while grabbing Selina’s heels.

“Good job avoiding bed death, Pam,” Selina snickered.

“Fuck you,” Ivy responded, but the look in her eyes was clear. _Everything okay?_

Selina took a deep breath and nodded confidently.

"Good. I was worried it was going to be like  _Company_ in here for a second."

Through the door, Harley started humming 'Not Getting Married Today.'

"Oh my God, I hate you guys. Why are you in my wedding party?' Selina moaned. 

"Because you love us!" Harley yelled, muffled slightly.

“Hurry up Harley,” Holly yelled back. “We need to redo Cat’s makeup, _and_ she hasn’t finished her fucking _vows_ yet.”

 _“WHAT?!”_ both Ivy and Harley cried at the same time.

And Selina grins. What better friends could a bride ask for. 

 

____

 

_T̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶s̶a̶c̶r̶i̶f̶i̶c̶e̶.̶ I know we can change. For the better. Both of us. Things don’t have to be stagnant forever. I can stop running. You can stop chasing. I love you, Bat. I love who you’ve been, I love who you are, I love whoever you’re going to be. As long as you’re happy, I love you, Bat._

_Love always, Cat._

**Author's Note:**

> i just. am so tired. of tom king's writing. please joelle jones save me from this hell.


End file.
